It's happening. Fast.

Minutes ago we bought our plane tickets. Yes, our plane tickets to South Korea. We have come to realize that we are needing to leave sooner than we thought, for various reasons, and our leaving-sooner-date is much sooner than is emotionally comfortable for me right now. It's official. We leave the United States for South Korea next Friday, August 8th. That is exactly 10 days from now, and it is scary.

Yesterday we took our second trip to the Korean Embassy in San Francisco for our second try at Visa interviews. This time we had all of our paperwork in order and were able to actually carry out our interviews instead of being rudely shut down and shoved out the door (like the first try). I have to say, when you've got your shit in order, Koreans are much nicer to you. All that to say, we are now proud owners of E2-Visas that will enable us to live and work in South Korea.

We have been co-habitating with my family (and more specifically, my parents) for about 3 weeks now. I can't honestly say that it has been perfect, however, as I reflect upon our time here I am grateful for these weeks with my family. I know that coming back to live with them once again has not been easy, but spending this time with them even if we are yelling at each other allows me to experience these relationships in a way that I will not be able to for a long time: face to face. And it helps that they threw us a party (which was wonderful, by the way; thank you to all who came and blessed us!).

After the party this weekend I experienced a complete emotional breakdown. It was late Saturday night and we had just finished cleaning up most of the debris from the party when I stopped to read a card from one of my best friends. She had given us two cards, one for the both of us and one specifically just for me. This card, the one just for me, was the one I sat down to read. I should have known then and there that that card was dangerous, but I decided to just read it anyway. I opened it. It was one of those cheezy cards with pastel colors and 57 lines of "do you remembers" and friendship analogies.

I made it to the third line before bursting into tears.

On top of the 57 lines already printed on the card by Hallmark, my friend had written her own personalized volume in ballpoint pen on every spare inch of the card. There was so much truth in it and I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed with sadness, guilt, grief. Even now typing this, I can't remember the words in the card, but I remember the feeling. I cried poetically and gracefully over my card as I read my friend's words, tears falling from my face to the card slowly, like in the movies.

And then it hit me.
I was the one leaving.
My family, my friends, these people who love me and care for me in ways that are beyond description will still be here.
I'll be gone.

Panic set in. I was crying violently now, you know, the ugly kind of crying where you can't breathe and your face swells and everything feels lost. I knew that this move to Korea would be like ripping my roots out from under me and this felt like the first big tug.

I have never had to say "goodbye" to my loved ones in such a way as this. And to be doing it by choice often seems crazy inside my head. Doubtful, frightened thoughts creep in and ask me questions like, "Are you sure you want to do this?" and "Why would you choose to leave all this goodness?" And I often roll these questions around in my brain for far too long, jumping back and forth with anxiety. But somehow I always come back and sit quietly in reassuring, loving Arms where grace flows and peace settles me down. I remember that I have my strong and wonderful husband to lean on and go with me, and I remember the ways in which this entire adventure is all part of God's plan. Yes, it may end up being the hardest thing I have ever had to do; to leave everything and everyone I love for a world that I know almost nothing about. But I'm not in bad shape to have my John as my travel companion and our God to go before and behind us (Psalm 139:5).

So, August 8th it is.

And Obstacles are Presenting Themselves

We officially moved out of The TreeHouse on Saturday. We handled ourselves fabulously for the past week. We were fast, efficient, captains of industry! We packed and moved like we've done it dozens of times. Best of all, it didn't even affect us emotionally. We were able to leave our first home, our home of a year, skillfully, with indifference and cold hard apathy. Not one tear was shed for our sold furniture. Not one sniffle was sniffed for our absent albino bunny. I wasn't sad standing in the empty spot where we slept during our first year of marriage. I didn't weep on my wife's shoulder during our last sweep of the apartment, thinking of all of our happy memories, all of the trademarks of The TreeHouse and all of the good times we were leaving behind us...not at all.

In truth, it was hard. I didn't realize going into it that it would be that difficult. It really didn't hit me until that last walk through the halls, but hit me it did. It was tough for Ferial, too. We both cried silent tears half way to her parents place. Then slowly, the tears subsided. We began to laugh again, excited for this next leg in our lives together. Living at her parents place will surely be difficult at times. However, for the most part, I know we will relish this opportunity to save money on rent, bills and food. We will very much enjoy the chance to spend time with her family. (It is sad that we won't be able to see my family before we leave the country, but it's different for me. I left home a decade ago. This will be Ferial's first time. I am quite glad that we will all have this chance to get good and sick of one another before we finally leave the country.)

We are excited about this next month or so. The downtime will give us the chance to rest - mind, body and spirits - before we head off into the land of kimchi and culture-shock. We look forward to spending a lot of time outdoors, enjoying the scenery wine country has to offer. We look forward to being able to just vegitate - blog, journal, read, watch movies, play games - stuff we've been too busy for for too long.

There are some obstacles, however. It now turns out Korean Immigration wants a copy of Ferial's new passport (still two weeks away) before they will give her a visa confirmation number. We cannot even begin the immigration process from our end, without that number. We will not leave the country seperately. I don't even want to have to drive to San Francisco for separate interviews...it's just too much trouble. So, we wait. We wait for the passport, we wait for the confirmation number, we wait for the visas. This is an exercise in patience. We just want to go! Some may ask why, if God truly wants us going, would we be hitting so many hurdles? This is a question I have been tempted to ask, myself. However, I am reminded of something my pastor said to Ferial and I at coffee one day. He said, "no work of God will come about without opposition. We can't base our decisions on which leads down the path of least resistance. That's not how God works." Neither will the Devil let us follow the path God has set out for us, without setting up hurdles in our way. We just have to pray for the strength and endurance to jump when we need to...

Good thing we're in a Rocket.

The Treehouse's last days.

And the cleaning continues!

Bundependence Day

Today we gave up Havarti, our wonderfully cute 3-legged house rabbit. It was hard and Ferial cried quite a bit, but we know that he is going to a good home. And it's only going to get harder from here. We have to keep reminding ourselves that this is a means to end.
Love to Havarti.